The Lies Cheaters Tell Themselves: 22 Self-Deceptions Behind Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most painful betrayals in a relationship, and cheaters often go to great lengths to justify their behavior. Rather than confronting the reality of their actions, many cheaters create elaborate excuses to avoid taking responsibility.

These lies not only deceive their partners but also themselves, allowing them to continue their behavior without acknowledging the harm they cause. Here are 22 delusional lies cheaters tell themselves to excuse their behavior, revealing the self-deception that often accompanies infidelity.

1. “I Deserve to Be Happy”

Cheaters often convince themselves that their personal happiness justifies their actions. They believe that their relationship is no longer fulfilling and that they deserve happiness—even at the expense of their partner's trust.

This delusion allows them to prioritize their own desires over the well-being of their relationship.

2. “It’s Just Physical, It Doesn’t Mean Anything”

Many cheaters downplay their actions by telling themselves that the affair is purely physical. They believe that because there are no emotional ties, it’s not a big deal.

This lie helps them avoid facing the emotional and psychological impact their behavior has on their partner.

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3. “I’m Not Getting What I Need at Home”

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A common excuse cheaters use is that their partner isn’t meeting their needs—whether emotional, physical, or sexual. They justify their infidelity by shifting the blame onto their partner, rather than communicating their dissatisfaction.

This lie allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their choices.

4. “It’s Just a Fling, I’ll End It Soon”

Cheaters often minimize the seriousness of their actions by telling themselves that the affair is temporary. They believe that as long as they intend to end it soon, it’s not truly harmful.

This self-deception prevents them from confronting the damage they are actively causing.

5. “My Partner Will Never Know”

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One of the most common lies cheaters tell themselves is that their partner will never find out. They believe that as long as they keep the affair secret, no harm will be done.

This lie ignores the emotional distance and dishonesty that infidelity inherently brings to a relationship.

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6. “It’s Not Cheating If There’s No Emotion Involved”

Some cheaters justify their actions by believing that infidelity only counts if there’s an emotional connection. They convince themselves that as long as it’s purely physical, it’s not real cheating.

This lie disregards the betrayal of trust that occurs in any form of infidelity.

7. “Everyone Does It”

Cheaters often rationalize their behavior by telling themselves that infidelity is common and normal. They believe that since many people cheat, it’s not as morally wrong as society makes it out to be.

This lie allows them to feel less guilty about their actions.

8. “We’re Basically Broken Up Anyway”

Some cheaters excuse their behavior by claiming that their relationship is already over, even if it’s not officially ended. They use this belief to justify seeking attention or affection elsewhere.

This lie prevents them from facing the reality that they are still in a committed relationship.

9. “If My Partner Loved Me More, I Wouldn’t Have Done This”

Cheaters often blame their partner’s lack of affection or attention for their actions. They convince themselves that their infidelity is a result of their partner’s shortcomings rather than their own choices.

This self-deception shifts the responsibility away from themselves.

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10. “I Didn’t Mean for It to Happen”

Cheaters often lie to themselves by believing that the affair just “happened.” They convince themselves that it wasn’t intentional and that they were swept up in the moment.

This lie allows them to avoid acknowledging that infidelity is always a choice.

11. “I’m Not Hurting Anyone”

Some cheaters believe that as long as no one finds out, no one is getting hurt. They ignore the emotional damage, dishonesty, and betrayal of trust that their actions cause.

This delusion allows them to continue their behavior without feeling guilt or remorse.

12. “We Were Just Flirting”

Cheaters often downplay the seriousness of their actions by calling it “just flirting.” They convince themselves that playful banter isn’t crossing any boundaries, even when it clearly is.

This lie allows them to minimize the emotional betrayal involved in their actions.

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13. “It’s Better Than Getting a Divorce”

Some cheaters justify their actions by believing that an affair is a less harmful alternative to ending the relationship. They convince themselves that as long as they stay with their partner, cheating is a way to avoid more serious damage.

This lie ignores the fact that infidelity often leads to the collapse of trust and, eventually, the relationship itself.

14. “It Was a One-Time Thing”

Many cheaters lie to themselves by believing that their affair is a one-time event that won’t happen again. They use this belief to justify not confessing or making changes in their relationship.

This lie prevents them from addressing the underlying issues that led to the infidelity in the first place.

15. “I Was Drunk/Under the Influence”

Cheaters often blame alcohol or drugs for their actions, convincing themselves that they weren’t fully in control. They believe that being under the influence excuses their behavior and absolves them of responsibility.

This lie allows them to avoid facing the conscious choices they made.

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16. “It’s Just a Fantasy”

Some cheaters tell themselves that the affair exists only in the realm of fantasy, even when it becomes real. They convince themselves that because it started as a mental escape, it’s not as serious as a full-blown relationship.

This self-deception minimizes the impact of their betrayal.

17. “I’m Not Getting Enough Attention”

Cheaters often use the excuse that they are not getting enough attention from their partner to justify seeking validation elsewhere. They convince themselves that their partner’s neglect forced them into the arms of someone else.

This lie shifts the blame and ignores the responsibility of communicating needs within the relationship.

18. “We’re Just Friends”

Cheaters often downplay their actions by convincing themselves that their relationship with the other person is just a friendship. They ignore the emotional and physical boundaries they’re crossing.

This lie helps them avoid acknowledging the growing intimacy that is leading to infidelity.

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19. “It’s Not as Bad as What Others Do”

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Cheaters sometimes justify their actions by comparing themselves to others who have done worse. They convince themselves that their infidelity isn’t as harmful because they believe others have done worse things.

This comparison allows them to excuse their own behavior.

20. “I’ll Stop Once Things Get Serious”

Cheaters often tell themselves that they’ll end the affair before it becomes too serious. They believe that as long as they cut it off in time, no real harm is done.

This lie ignores the emotional damage and dishonesty that builds up during the affair.

21. “It’s My Partner’s Fault”

Cheaters frequently shift the blame onto their partner, convincing themselves that their partner’s behavior drove them to cheat. Whether it’s a lack of intimacy or communication, they believe their partner is responsible for their actions.

This self-deception prevents them from taking accountability for their choices.

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22. “I Still Love My Partner, So It’s Okay”

Some cheaters believe that because they still love their partner, their affair isn’t as damaging. They convince themselves that their feelings for their partner somehow justify their actions.

This lie allows them to compartmentalize their infidelity without addressing the betrayal of trust involved.