Supporting a Grieving Friend? Avoid These 15 Unhelpful Phrases
Grief is an incredibly personal and painful experience, and when a friend is grieving, finding the right words can feel impossible. While it’s natural to want to offer comfort, certain phrases can unintentionally make their pain worse.
Sometimes, saying the wrong thing can add to their emotional burden, even if your intentions are good. To avoid causing more hurt during an already difficult time, here are 15 things you should never say to a grieving friend, along with alternative ways to offer support.
1. “They’re in a better place.”
This phrase might be meant to comfort, but it can feel dismissive of the person’s pain. Your friend may not find solace in this idea and could feel their grief is being minimized.
Instead, simply acknowledge their loss and pain by saying, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
2. “At least they lived a long life.”
No matter how long someone lived, their passing is still a deep loss for those left behind. This phrase can make it seem like their grief is less valid because of the person’s age.
It’s better to say, “I know they meant so much to you,” to focus on the impact they had.
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3. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if you’ve experienced loss, grief is different for everyone.
Saying this can come across as dismissive and shift the focus to your experience.
Instead, say, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
4. “Everything happens for a reason.”
This phrase can feel hollow or even offensive when someone is grieving.
It implies that their loss was somehow justified or part of a larger plan, which can be hurtful.
A more comforting approach would be to simply say, “I’m here for you, no matter what.”
5. “You’ll get over it in time.”
Telling someone they’ll eventually “get over” their grief minimizes their emotional journey. Grief is not something that people just move on from—it changes over time.
Instead, say, “Take as much time as you need to heal. I’m here when you need me.”
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6. “They wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
While it may be true that the deceased wouldn’t want their loved ones to suffer, grief is a natural response. This comment can make your friend feel guilty for their pain.
It’s better to say, “It’s okay to feel sad. You’re allowed to grieve in your own way.”
7. “At least you still have [someone else].”
Comparing losses by pointing out what remains can feel dismissive of the pain your friend is feeling now. Each relationship is unique, and the loss of one person can’t be substituted by someone else.
Instead, offer support by saying, “I know you had such a special bond with them.”
8. “You need to stay strong.”
Encouraging someone to “stay strong” can put pressure on them to suppress their emotions. It suggests that showing grief is a sign of weakness, which is unhealthy.
A better way to support them is by saying, “It’s okay to feel whatever you need to feel right now.”
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9. “At least you know they’re no longer suffering.”
While this is meant to comfort, it can come across as dismissive of the current grief and pain. Your friend may still be deeply mourning, and this comment can feel minimizing.
Instead, simply say, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you want to talk.”
10. “Be grateful for the time you had together.”
Though gratitude for memories may come in time, telling someone to be grateful while they’re grieving can feel invalidating. It’s important to allow them to fully feel their loss without pressure to move on to gratitude right away.
A more thoughtful response could be, “I know how much they meant to you.”
11. “God has a plan.”
Religious sentiments, though well-meaning, can feel hurtful if the grieving person isn’t in a place to hear them. Even for those with strong faith, this phrase can feel like it minimizes their pain.
It’s better to offer empathy by saying, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
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12. “It’s time to move on.”
There is no timeline for grief, and telling someone to “move on” can make them feel rushed or misunderstood. Grief has its own process for everyone, and it’s not something that can be rushed.
Instead, offer ongoing support with, “I’m here for you, no matter how long it takes.”
13. “It’s all part of life.”
While death is a natural part of life, this phrase can feel dismissive of the deep pain your friend is experiencing. It can come across as an attempt to brush away their feelings.
Acknowledge their loss by saying, “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.”
14. “You’re so strong, you’ll get through this.”
While meant as a compliment, this can put pressure on your friend to be strong when they may need to express vulnerability. It suggests that showing grief or weakness is unacceptable.
A better alternative is, “You don’t have to be strong right now. Let yourself feel what you need to feel.”
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15. “I don’t know how you’re handling this so well.”
This phrase may sound like a compliment, but it can make the person feel like they need to keep “handling it well” to meet others' expectations. It can also feel isolating, as if they’re not allowed to show how hard it really is.
Instead, simply say, “I’m here for you, however you need me.”
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