Lost That Spark? 19 Ways to Reignite Attraction in Your Relationship

Attraction in a relationship can ebb and flow, and it’s not uncommon to go through phases where you no longer feel the same spark. This lack of attraction can be confusing and distressing, especially if you deeply care about your partner.

However, losing attraction doesn’t mean the end of a relationship—it just means it’s time to explore the reasons and take actionable steps to reconnect. Here are 19 things you can do if you’re no longer feeling attracted to your partner, to help reignite the passion or figure out the next step forward.

1. Reflect on Your Feelings

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Before jumping to conclusions, take a moment to self-reflect. Ask yourself whether this lack of attraction is a temporary phase or if it has deeper roots.

Sometimes, external stressors can affect how you feel about your partner. Understanding the cause of your feelings can help guide your next steps.

2. Communicate Openly

Talk to your partner about your feelings in a compassionate and honest way. While this conversation can be difficult, avoiding it will only create distance.

Explain how you're feeling without assigning blame, and see if they’ve noticed a shift as well. Opening the lines of communication can foster understanding and give both of you clarity.

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3. Identify Underlying Issues

Lack of attraction often stems from underlying emotional or psychological factors. Think about whether there are unresolved issues, such as resentment or unmet needs, that could be impacting your feelings.

Working through these issues, either together or with the help of a therapist, can reignite emotional and physical attraction.

4. Invest in Quality Time Together

Sometimes, life’s routines can make relationships feel stale. Set aside time for date nights, trips, or shared activities that let you reconnect outside of the daily grind.

Spending meaningful time together can remind you of the traits you initially found attractive.

5. Focus on Emotional Intimacy

Attraction is not just physical; emotional intimacy plays a big role. Try building emotional closeness by having deeper conversations, being vulnerable, or showing more affection.

When emotional connection improves, physical attraction often follows.

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6. Work on Personal Growth

Sometimes a loss of attraction reflects your own dissatisfaction with yourself or your life. Take time to work on personal growth—whether through fitness, hobbies, or self-care.

As you feel better about yourself, you might also regain feelings of attraction toward your partner.

7. Rediscover What Attracted You in the First Place

Think back to when you first fell in love. What drew you to your partner initially? Sometimes reminding yourself of the qualities you admired can help rekindle that attraction.

Make a list of these traits and see if you can focus on them more consciously.

8. Address Physical Health

Physical attraction can be influenced by both partners' health and well-being. Encourage healthy habits for both yourself and your partner, such as eating well, staying active, and sleeping enough.

When you both feel physically good, attraction often naturally improves.

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9. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Routine and comfort can sometimes dull the excitement in a relationship. Try new experiences together—whether it’s travel, taking a class, or even trying new things in the bedroom.

New experiences can add excitement and help reignite the spark.

10. Consider Counseling

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If you’re struggling to regain attraction or work through underlying issues, couples counseling can provide a helpful space to explore these feelings. A trained therapist can help you and your partner communicate more effectively and navigate emotional blocks.

Counseling can often revive feelings of connection and attraction.

11. Limit Comparisons

Comparing your partner to others, either in real life or on social media, can damage your perception of them. Remember, every relationship and individual has unique qualities.

Focus on appreciating your partner for who they are, rather than what you think they lack compared to others.

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12. Focus on Gratitude

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Take time to reflect on the things you’re grateful for in your partner. Shifting your mindset from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in the relationship can transform your perspective.

When we focus on positive qualities, it can reignite feelings of love and attraction.

13. Address Sexual Intimacy Issues

If sexual issues are at play, don’t shy away from discussing them. Talk openly about your desires, and be open to experimenting or seeking advice if needed.

Addressing sexual concerns can greatly improve physical attraction and intimacy.

14. Give Each Other Space

Sometimes, too much togetherness can lead to feeling suffocated or bored. Allowing space for individual interests and personal time can create healthy distance, which can reignite attraction when you reunite.

Absence really can make the heart grow fonder.

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15. Practice Patience

Attraction isn’t always instant, and rebuilding it takes time. Don’t expect instant results, but instead, focus on small improvements over time.

Being patient with yourself and your partner is key to navigating this period.

16. Check Your Expectations

Sometimes our expectations of what attraction should feel like can be unrealistic, especially if shaped by media or past experiences. Consider whether your loss of attraction is because of unmet expectations or if it’s part of the natural evolution of a long-term relationship.

Being realistic about how attraction ebbs and flows can help adjust your mindset.

17. Be Honest About the Future

If you’ve tried multiple strategies and still can’t regain attraction, it may be time to have an honest conversation about the future of your relationship. Deciding whether the relationship is worth continuing is difficult, but honesty is essential for both partners' well-being.

Both of you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel connected and attracted.

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18. Reconnect With Physical Touch

Even if you’re not feeling particularly attracted, physical touch is crucial to maintaining a bond. Start small by holding hands, hugging, or cuddling.

Physical touch can help reignite feelings of connection and intimacy over time.

19. Accept That Attraction Changes Over Time

Attraction doesn’t remain static—it changes as the relationship grows. Accept that you may not always feel the same intense attraction as in the beginning, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is any less valuable.

Learning to appreciate deeper emotional bonds over fleeting physical attraction can lead to long-lasting, fulfilling relationships.