Disrespect in Relationships: 18 Signs To Watch Out For
Respect is a foundational element of any healthy relationship. When respect is lacking, it can lead to a host of problems, from communication breakdowns to emotional distress. It’s important to recognize the signs that your partner may not be respecting you and to address these issues head-on. Here are 18 signs that your partner doesn't respect you and some advice on how to handle each situation.
1. They Don’t Acknowledge Your Efforts
Whether it's in your career, family life, or personal growth, a partner who doesn’t recognize your hard work and achievements is showing a lack of respect. Share your feelings about this: “I work hard at my job and in our home, and sometimes I feel like it goes unnoticed. I’d love to hear some encouragement or acknowledgment from you.”
2. They Dismiss Your Feelings
Your partner frequently dismisses your emotions by saying things like “You're overreacting,” or “It's not that big of a deal.” This minimizes your experiences and can make you feel invalidated. A respectful approach is to discuss how this makes you feel and request empathy: “When you say I’m overreacting, it feels like my feelings don’t matter. I’d appreciate it if you could try to understand my perspective instead.”
3. They Never Apologize
A partner who never admits they’re wrong or refuses to apologize lacks respect for your feelings and your relationship. This behavior shows a lack of accountability and disregard for resolving conflicts. Address this by explaining how an apology would help you move forward: “I feel like we could heal and move on from arguments better if we could both take responsibility when we’re wrong.”
4. They Make Jokes at Your Expense
If your partner frequently makes jokes or sarcastic remarks that belittle you or make you feel uncomfortable, it’s a sign of disrespect. These comments can chip away at your self-esteem. Make it clear that such jokes hurt you: “I know you might think it's funny, but when you joke about my weight, it really hurts my feelings. I’d prefer if you didn’t make those comments.”
5. They Ignore Your Boundaries
When you set boundaries—whether they are emotional, physical, or related to your personal space—and your partner constantly crosses them, it shows a lack of respect for your autonomy. Discuss the importance of your boundaries with them: “I’ve mentioned before that I need some time alone after work to decompress. It feels like my needs aren’t being respected when you insist on talking right away.”
6. They Belittle Your Achievements
A partner who downplays your accomplishments or responds with indifference isn’t showing respect for your success and efforts. They might even compare your achievements negatively to theirs. Address this by expressing how their response affects you: “When I told you about my promotion, I felt like you didn’t seem happy for me. It would mean a lot if you celebrated my successes with me.”
7. They Control the Decisions
Your partner makes all the decisions in the relationship without consulting you, whether it’s about finances, social plans, or household matters. This suggests they don’t value your opinion or see you as an equal partner. Try bringing up the importance of shared decision-making: “I’d like us to make decisions together more often. It’s important to me that we both have a say in what affects our lives.”
8. They Frequently Break Promises
Repeatedly breaking promises, big or small, indicates a lack of respect for your time and trust. It shows that your partner doesn’t take commitments seriously. Highlight the importance of keeping promises in a relationship: “When you cancel plans last minute, it makes me feel like I’m not a priority. Can we work on being more reliable for each other?”
9. They Use Silent Treatment as a Weapon
Instead of communicating openly, your partner shuts down and uses silence to punish you. This is a form of emotional manipulation and control. Let them know how this behavior affects you: “When you stop talking to me for days after a disagreement, it makes me feel disconnected. I’d like us to address issues more constructively.”
10. They Disregard Your Opinions
If your partner dismisses your opinions or belittles them as “stupid” or “irrelevant,” it’s a sign of disrespect. A healthy relationship involves valuing each other’s perspectives. Encourage more constructive dialogue: “I feel unheard when you dismiss my opinions. It would mean a lot if you could listen more openly.”
11. They Flirt with Others Openly
If your partner flirts with others in front of you and disregards your feelings of discomfort or insecurity, it shows a lack of respect for your relationship. Address it directly: “When you flirt with others in front of me, it makes me feel disrespected. I’d like us to maintain boundaries that make both of us comfortable.”
12. They Don’t Make Time for You
A partner who is always “too busy” and rarely makes time for you may not respect your relationship or prioritize you. Talk about the importance of quality time together: “I feel disconnected when we don’t spend time together. Can we plan regular time to connect, even during busy weeks?”
13. They Keep Secrets from You
Honesty and transparency are fundamental in a respectful relationship. If your partner hides things from you or is secretive about important matters, it indicates a lack of respect for trust and openness. Address this by fostering open communication: “I feel worried when things are kept secret between us. Can we work on being more open about what’s happening in our lives?”
14. They Undermine Your Parenting (if you have kids)
A partner who contradicts or undermines your parenting style in front of the kids is showing a lack of respect for your role as a parent. Discuss the importance of presenting a united front: “It’s confusing for the kids when we don’t agree on parenting decisions. Can we talk about these things privately and come to an agreement?”
15. They Take You for Granted
If your partner doesn’t appreciate your efforts, whether it’s household chores, emotional support, or other contributions, it shows a lack of respect. Address it by expressing your need for appreciation: “I’ve noticed that my efforts sometimes go unacknowledged, and it feels disheartening. It would mean a lot to hear some appreciation now and then.”
16. They Criticize You in Front of Others
A partner who criticizes or puts you down in front of friends, family, or strangers shows a clear lack of respect. Talk to them about maintaining dignity in public: “I felt embarrassed when you criticized me in front of our friends. I’d like us to handle disagreements privately.”
17. They Don’t Defend You
If your partner fails to stand up for you when someone else disrespects or criticizes you, it suggests they don’t value your dignity or well-being. Let them know how it affects you: “I felt unsupported when you didn’t speak up when X criticized me. I’d appreciate it if we could support each other in these situations.”
18. They Gaslight You
If your partner frequently makes you doubt your own perceptions or memory, it's a form of psychological manipulation known as gaslighting. Address it by standing firm in your reality: “When you say things like, ‘You’re imagining things,’ it makes me feel like I’m not being heard or taken seriously. I want us to communicate more honestly.”
