Can’t Move On? These 19 Common Errors Might Be Holding You Back
Letting go of a toxic ex can feel like an impossible task, even when you know the relationship was unhealthy. But the truth is, sometimes we make moving on harder than it needs to be.
From clinging to memories to holding onto false hopes, there are common mistakes people make that trap them in the past. If you’re struggling to get over your ex, here are 19 pitfalls to avoid to truly free yourself.
1. Replaying Old Memories
Revisiting happy memories only distorts reality. This selective memory can make you forget why the relationship ended in the first place.
2. Idealizing the Relationship
Convincing yourself it was “perfect” makes it harder to let go. Acknowledging the flaws helps you see it for what it was—imperfect and, ultimately, wrong for you.
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3. Stalking Their Social Media
Checking their updates only keeps you emotionally invested. It’s like ripping off the bandage repeatedly, preventing you from healing.
4. Hoping for Reconciliation
Waiting for them to come back keeps you stuck in the past. This mindset stops you from moving forward and exploring new possibilities.
5. Comparing Others to Your Ex
Measuring new people against your ex stops you from appreciating them for who they are. Let new connections stand on their own without the comparison.
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6. Over-Analyzing Past Conversations
Dissecting old conversations only feeds regret and “what-ifs.” Overthinking won’t change the past, so let those discussions rest.
7. Holding Onto Their Belongings
Keeping their things around acts as a constant reminder. Clear your space to clear your mind, creating room for fresh starts.
8. Asking Friends About Them
If you’re digging for information through mutual friends, you’re still attached. This behavior keeps you emotionally bound to their life and choices.
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9. Feeling Responsible for the Breakup
Taking all the blame keeps you in a cycle of guilt. Recognize that both partners contribute to a relationship’s end, and stop shouldering all the fault.
10. Keeping Lines of Communication Open
Staying in touch “just in case” prevents closure. If you’re serious about moving on, cut ties, even if it feels hard.
11. Not Processing Your Emotions
Ignoring your feelings only delays healing. Allow yourself to feel the sadness or anger, so you can release it rather than bottle it up.
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12. Looking at Old Photos
Scrolling through old photos brings back feelings that anchor you to the past. Put them away, or better yet, delete them, to avoid reliving the relationship.
13. Romanticizing Their Traits
Focusing on their positive qualities clouds your judgment. Remember the whole picture, including the reasons why it didn’t work out.
14. Fantasizing About “What Could Have Been”
Imagining a different ending keeps you tethered to a fantasy. Accepting reality as it is helps break the hold of what “might have been.”
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15. Talking About Them Constantly
If you keep bringing up your ex in conversations, you’re keeping them alive in your mind. Give your thoughts a break and redirect your energy.
16. Not Setting Boundaries with Mutual Friends
Allowing mutual friends to bring them up or share updates keeps you emotionally involved. Politely ask them to avoid discussing your ex to maintain your peace.
17. Comparing Yourself to Their New Partner
This comparison only fuels insecurity and self-doubt. Remind yourself that their new relationship is no reflection on your worth.
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18. Ignoring Self-Care
Neglecting self-care keeps you focused on loss rather than growth. Prioritize your well-being and find activities that make you feel renewed.
19. Avoiding New Connections
Closing yourself off to new people keeps you trapped in the past. Opening up to new friendships or relationships is essential for moving forward.
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