19 Shocking Things Narcissists Do That They Don’t Want You to Know
Narcissists thrive on control and appearances, often presenting a polished, charming persona to the outside world. However, their private behaviors tell a much darker story.
Behind closed doors, narcissists engage in actions that reveal their true intentions and emotional instability. These hidden behaviors often leave their closest companions feeling confused, manipulated, or trapped.
Understanding these alarming tendencies is key to recognizing and protecting yourself from narcissistic abuse. Here are 19 secretive and troubling behaviors narcissists commonly display.
1. Gaslighting
Narcissists manipulate others by distorting reality, making you doubt your memory or perception. Phrases like “That never happened” or “You’re imagining things” are classic examples of gaslighting.
2. Silent Treatment
When upset, narcissists withdraw communication as a form of punishment. This emotional coldness forces their victims to seek reconciliation, giving the narcissist control over the relationship.
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3. Spying on Loved Ones
Narcissists often invade privacy by reading texts, emails, or listening to private conversations. They justify this by claiming they “need to know everything.”
4. Sabotaging Your Success
Whether it’s subtle discouragement or outright interference, narcissists often try to undermine others’ achievements to keep the spotlight on themselves.
5. Playing the Victim
Behind closed doors, narcissists frequently portray themselves as the wronged party. This manipulates others into feeling guilty or responsible for their emotional state.
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6. Creating Triangles
They pit people against each other to maintain control and attention. Narcissists might share secrets or spread rumors to create tension and insecurity.
7. Obsessively Seeking Validation
Even in private, narcissists crave constant approval. They’ll fish for compliments or demand praise, especially from their closest relationships.
8. Mocking Vulnerabilities
Narcissists often ridicule others’ weaknesses or insecurities behind closed doors. This cruel behavior reinforces their sense of superiority.
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9. Explosive Rage
While they may appear composed in public, narcissists often unleash uncontrolled anger in private, leaving those around them feeling frightened or powerless.
10. Hoarding Grudges
Narcissists rarely let go of perceived slights. They keep a mental “ledger” of wrongs, using them as ammunition in future conflicts.
11. Financial Control
They often use money to manipulate or control their partners, restricting access to funds or making others feel dependent on them financially.
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12. Twisting Compliments Into Insults
Narcissists disguise insults as “jokes” or backhanded compliments, making their victims feel belittled without openly admitting malice.
13. Eavesdropping on Conversations
Even when it doesn’t concern them, narcissists secretly listen to private discussions to gather information they can later use against others.
14. Withholding Affection
Narcissists frequently withhold love, attention, or intimacy as a way to punish or control those around them.
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15. Blaming Others for Their Problems
In private, narcissists never accept accountability. They consistently shift blame to others, framing themselves as victims of circumstance or bad luck.
16. Criticizing Behind Closed Doors
While charming in public, narcissists often degrade and criticize their loved ones in private, causing significant damage to self-esteem.
17. Secretly Jealous of Others
Narcissists envy the success or happiness of others, often masking their jealousy with dismissive comments or sabotage.
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18. Obsessively Monitoring Social Media
They use social media to keep tabs on others, comparing themselves, or searching for ways to maintain their image. This often borders on obsessive behavior.
19. Fake Apologies
When forced to apologize, narcissists often give insincere or manipulative apologies. Phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” shift the blame back onto the victim.
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