19 Red Flags That Show Someone is a Frenemy

Frenemies can be tricky to spot because they often hide behind the guise of friendship while harboring competitive or negative feelings toward you. They may offer backhanded compliments, sabotage your efforts, or spread gossip under the pretense of caring.

It’s essential to recognize the signs so you can protect yourself from their toxic behavior. Here are 19 ways to tell if someone in your life is actually a frenemy, helping you identify and handle the situation before it does any more harm.

1. They Give Backhanded Compliments

Frenemies often disguise their insults as compliments. They may say things like, “You’re so brave to wear that,” or, “That’s an interesting choice.”

These backhanded compliments are designed to undermine your confidence while appearing polite.

2. They Always Compete with You

A frenemy sees your successes as threats and constantly tries to outdo you. Whether it’s career achievements or personal milestones, they turn everything into a competition.

They can’t celebrate your wins without trying to one-up you.

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3. They Undermine Your Achievements

Instead of congratulating you, a frenemy will downplay your accomplishments. They may say, “That’s great, but anyone could have done that,” or make you feel like your success isn’t significant.

This is their way of keeping you from feeling proud of your achievements.

4. They’re Only Around When It’s Convenient

A frenemy tends to show up when it benefits them but disappears when you need support. They’re happy to take from you, whether it’s time, advice, or resources, but rarely offer anything in return.

Their friendship is conditional and self-serving.

5. They Talk Behind Your Back

Frenemies are quick to gossip about you when you’re not around. They may spread rumors, share your personal business, or make negative comments about you to others.

This behavior shows a lack of loyalty and true friendship.

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6. They Act Jealous of Your Success

A frenemy can’t hide their jealousy when something good happens to you. They may downplay your success, ignore it, or even act distant or upset when you share good news.

Their inability to be happy for you is a clear sign of envy.

7. They Sabotage Your Efforts

Frenemies subtly sabotage your efforts, often under the guise of “helping.” They may give you bad advice, discourage you from pursuing your goals, or create obstacles in your path.

Their actions are designed to hold you back while pretending to support you.

8. They’re Overly Critical of You

A frenemy tends to criticize you more than they compliment or encourage you. Whether it’s your appearance, decisions, or lifestyle, they find ways to pick you apart.

This constant criticism is meant to chip away at your self-esteem.

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9. They Show Fake Concern

Frenemies often pretend to be concerned about you but do so in a way that feels insincere. They may ask personal questions only to use your answers against you later or act worried just to make themselves look caring.

Their concern is more about appearances than actual care.

10. They Celebrate Your Failures

Instead of offering comfort or support when you fail, a frenemy secretly enjoys your setbacks. They may even make snide comments or use your failure as a way to boost their own ego.

Their true colors show when things aren’t going well for you.

11. They’re Passive-Aggressive

Frenemies often use passive-aggressive behavior to express their hidden hostility. They may make sarcastic remarks, give you the silent treatment, or use “jokes” to mask their true feelings.

This indirect aggression is a hallmark of their toxic behavior.

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12. They Copy Everything You Do

A frenemy often mimics your style, interests, or accomplishments as a way to compete with you. Instead of finding their own path, they imitate yours, trying to keep up or even outshine you.

This behavior is driven by insecurity and envy.

13. They’re Never Happy for You

No matter how great your news is, a frenemy can’t muster genuine happiness for you. They may offer a forced smile or a lukewarm “congratulations,” but their lack of enthusiasm is clear.

True friends share in your joy, while frenemies begrudge it.

14. They Exclude You from Group Activities

Frenemies often leave you out of social gatherings or group events, making you feel excluded. They may say things like, “We didn’t think you’d be interested,” as a way to justify the exclusion.

This behavior is meant to isolate and undermine you socially.

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15. They Downplay Your Feelings

When you open up about your emotions, a frenemy will dismiss or minimize your feelings. They may say, “You’re overreacting,” or, “It’s not that big of a deal,” instead of offering support.

This lack of empathy reveals their insincerity.

16. They Act Superior to You

Frenemies often act condescending or superior, making you feel inferior in subtle ways. They may talk down to you, offer unsolicited advice, or constantly try to prove that they’re better.

This superiority complex is a sign of their own insecurities.

17. They’re Inconsistent in Their Behavior

Theyre Inconsistent in Their Behavior 2 — Image Credit: Depositphotos

A frenemy’s behavior is often inconsistent, swinging between friendly and distant. One day they’re your biggest supporter, and the next they’re cold or aloof.

This inconsistency makes it hard to trust them and creates a toxic dynamic.

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18. They Take Credit for Your Ideas

Frenemies often try to take credit for your ideas or accomplishments, especially in work or group settings. They may subtly steal your thunder or downplay your contributions while boosting their own.

This behavior shows their lack of integrity and respect.

19. They Put on a Show in Front of Others

Frenemies often act overly friendly and supportive when others are around to maintain their image. They may go out of their way to appear like your best friend in public, only to treat you poorly in private.

This two-faced behavior is a clear indicator of a frenemy.