19 Phrases That Make You a Poor Communicator (And What to Say Instead)
Being a great communicator goes beyond just knowing what to say – it’s also about knowing what not to say. Certain phrases can undermine your message, create confusion, or even offend unintentionally.
If you can identify and avoid these common communication pitfalls, you’ll stand out as a more effective and thoughtful speaker. From passive-aggressive remarks to unclear statements, these 19 phrases are ones that skilled communicators avoid.
Let’s dive into how avoiding these phrases can elevate your communication and make you more effective in all your conversations.
1. “No offense, but…”
This phrase often precedes a statement that is, in fact, offensive. It tries to soften the blow, but it rarely works and only creates defensiveness.
Better communicators simply express their point without using a phrase that negates their intention to be polite.
2. “You always…” or “You never…”
Using absolutes like “always” or “never” in communication makes the listener feel attacked and defensive. These phrases are rarely accurate and can escalate conflicts instead of resolving them.
Effective communicators use specific examples instead of sweeping generalizations.
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3. “It’s not my problem.”
Dismissing a concern with this phrase shows a lack of empathy and responsibility. It can make others feel unsupported and disrespected.
Better communicators show understanding and offer constructive ways to address issues rather than shutting them down.
4. “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”
Similar to “no offense,” this phrase signals that something rude is about to follow. It sets a negative tone for the conversation and can alienate the listener.
Effective communicators find tactful ways to express themselves without prefacing it with a warning of rudeness.
5. “Calm down.”
Telling someone to calm down can have the opposite effect, making them feel invalidated or dismissed. It often escalates the situation instead of diffusing it.
Better communicators acknowledge the other person’s emotions and approach the situation with empathy.
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6. “Whatever.”
This dismissive phrase shuts down communication and shows a lack of interest in resolving the issue. It can come across as indifferent or condescending.
Effective communicators engage in the conversation and work toward a resolution rather than ending it abruptly.
7. “I’ll try.”
Saying “I’ll try” lacks commitment and can sound uncertain or non-committal. It gives the impression that you’re not fully invested in the outcome.
Skilled communicators use decisive language like “I will” or “I’ll do my best” to convey confidence and determination.
8. “With all due respect…”
This phrase often precedes a statement that is actually disrespectful or confrontational. It can undermine your message by sounding insincere.
Better communicators express their viewpoints directly and respectfully without using this passive-aggressive preface.
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9. “It is what it is.”
This phrase can sound defeatist and dismissive, offering no solutions or forward movement. It’s often used as a way to avoid addressing issues or taking responsibility.
Effective communicators focus on what can be done rather than resigning to the situation.
10. “That’s impossible.”
Dismissing ideas or suggestions as impossible shuts down creativity and problem-solving. It can stifle innovation and make you seem unwilling to consider alternatives.
Skilled communicators explore possibilities and keep an open mind, even when solutions seem difficult.
11. “I told you so.”
This phrase is smug and condescending, making others feel belittled for their mistakes. It creates resentment and undermines relationships.
Better communicators focus on moving forward constructively rather than pointing out past errors.
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12. “You’re wrong.”
Telling someone they’re wrong in a blunt way can lead to defensiveness and conflict. It’s better to express disagreement with tact and diplomacy, offering your perspective without invalidating theirs.
Effective communicators engage in dialogue rather than making it a confrontation.
13. “But that’s how we’ve always done it.”
This phrase signals resistance to change and can stifle progress and new ideas. It suggests a rigid mindset that may not be open to improvement.
Better communicators embrace change and encourage innovation while respecting tradition.
14. “That’s not fair.”
While fairness is important, stating that something isn’t fair can sound whiny and unproductive. It doesn’t contribute to finding a solution or understanding the situation.
Effective communicators focus on problem-solving and negotiating better outcomes rather than complaining about fairness.
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15. “You wouldn’t understand.”
This phrase dismisses the other person’s ability to comprehend and can come across as patronizing. It shuts down the conversation and makes the listener feel excluded.
Skilled communicators explain their points clearly and invite others to engage, even if it’s a complex topic.
16. “I can’t.”
Saying “I can’t” limits possibilities and can sound defeatist or unmotivated. It suggests a lack of effort or willingness to find alternatives.
Better communicators frame challenges positively, using phrases like “I’ll figure it out” or “Let’s find a way.”
17. “That’s just my personality.”
Using this phrase as an excuse for poor behavior dismisses responsibility and suggests unwillingness to change. It can be seen as an excuse for rudeness or insensitivity.
Effective communicators take accountability for their actions and work to improve, regardless of personality traits.
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18. “You should…”
Telling someone what they “should” do can come across as bossy or judgmental. It may not consider the other person’s perspective or circumstances.
Better communicators offer suggestions and options rather than dictating what others should do.
19. “I don’t care.”
Saying you don’t care dismisses the conversation and shows a lack of investment in the outcome. It can be hurtful and disengaging for the other person.
Skilled communicators show interest, even if the topic isn’t personally important, to maintain positive relationships.
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